We appear to be descending into farce - but feels a nice way to add chaos to our story arch..???

Host - We're coming to the end of the first half - Erwin - so now might to be a time to open things up. So Any questions..

A pretty, but little trashy blonde woman in a very noticably low cut top thrusts up her hand..

host - Yes - the - hello - there - yes blonde young lady - in the dainty blouse - your question?

daisy - Hello Erwin. You fuckin' love cheating skin flint douche bag bastard. You ever hitch-hiked back from bucharest huh? ever been abondoned? you small dicked bastard you?

host. Ermm If I can summarise..

Erwin (interrupting) Daisy. Is that you?

Host. You know each other?

Erwin - oh yes. we know each other.

Host. How lovely. So I suspect we'd all like to know if you've hitchhiked from Bucharest ? And i suppose we're all also wondering if you do...indeed...have....a small...oh dear..

Erwin (not listening) Daisy...daisy...daisy...you sexy bitch you..

Daisy..(her anger waning) You utter asshole..

Daisy and Erwin kiss

Erwin (eventually, to host) Is a guy allowed to take a dame for a drink?

Host (flustered) Oh ermm...yes kevin..perhaps you could put on a clip or two?

Erwin - come on (they exit to the theatre bar)

Host - Kevin..?

Kevin - I don't have anything lined up?

Host - wait there (to audience) I have some Lars von trier we might like..(exists)

Kevin - (now sensing the crowd need entertainment) I could show you some real ninja shit if you like?

out of desperation Kevin starts a very amateur display of martial arts

The host returns

H - what do you thiunk your doing?

K - You don't want to sneak up on a guy like that - could get you killed - the old 'one-punch'

H - Nobody's impressed

K - they are

H- let me tell you about people - not everyone is obsessed by violence..

Daisy (off) - I'm going to rip your head off you ape sized piece of shit..

H - I'm terribly sorry ladies and gentlemen - it seems we've been reduced to violence..

Erwin (off) - Not until I've fucked you senseless you sexy minx you..

H - oh god

K - (practicing his 'one-punch') I could get them to be quiet..

H - (losing it) Yes while you're at it - tell you what - take me out. (he takes of his tie) Kevin - do your worst - (ripping his shirt) use your ninja shit - cinema appreciation night is ruined - people came here wanting culture - I've let them down - there's no point - (dropping to his knees) - we've sunk to a new low - kevin - just end it - do it - there's nothing left - knock my 'motherfucking' head off.

Unseen Daisy and Erwin have returned

Erwin - Don't move. I love it. You guys are amazing! (to the host)You. Such real pain. Such passion. (to kevin) And you. A silent killer. In slacks. Do you know what I'm thinking?

BLACK OUT

(I'm winging it now....and it completely blows our realtime plan....but)


Act two.

(a year later)

Daisy, Erwin, Kevin and the Host are sitting on a row of chairs. a press conference?
Above them on the screen is a movie poster - the title 'English Ninja's: More tea vicar"

They've been joined by a PR guy..

PR Guy - questions? yes you.

Journalist 1 - (to the host) Brian - you're were a complete unknown. How did you get the role?

Host - I don't think we need to go over that again do we..