Erwin- Samurai Tequila?. Our caterer – who wrote the first draft – wanted Samurai Acropolis but I always go with my instinct.
Bernard- Okay, Kevin.......

A hilarious montage - including bad dialogue

B - Well Erwin. That was certainly interesting.
E - Interesting? you schmouck. I think you meant to say butt kickingly awesome. Didn't you?
B - Did I? I did. I did. Obviously. Wow. You rock. High Five. You mother.
E - That's it. Bernaaard. Live a fuckin - little. So what you probably want to ask about the script.
B - Yes I do. Tell me about the script.
E - I wrote it.
B - Really. Jees that's amazing. There's no end to your talents Erwin.
E - right. I wrote it all. I still control my scripts - That's important. Writers are ok on the emotional stuff but I have to re-write it to get it just right, you know? Some of the stuff I write is pretty full on.
B - I can imagine. I wonder if we could explore that more. I've had an idea. (beat) (hesitantly)It's Effin crazy......Very Rock and Roll.........It'll float your boat...... Dude.......My girlfriend is an actress.
E - Bernard you dog you. Goes like a train. eh? I bet she does. They all do. oh Oh god Bernaard make me a star.

B - Cordelia runs drama therapy courses. At the community centre.
E - right.
B - but she's a very good imporviser. I wonder if you'd mind if she had a go at your kind of thing. you could maybe talk about your creative process based on a scene. It would demonstrate your dialogue 'in action' so to speak.
E - Sure - whatever.
B - Outwards to the audienceCordelia? Cordelia. Would you mind? ladies and gentlemen, please Crody baby - it'll be fun.

Eventually a black-polo-neck-wearing actress walks up to the stage. And assumes a reluctant actorly pose.

Bernard - would you like to bring alive something for us Cordelia. Ladies and gentleman Ms Cordelia Spenk.

Cordelia - I think I've got a handle on the kind of thng you write Mr Bruckenhiemer. I hope you recognise this.

She assumes charatcer before continuing

How could you hang me out to dry Dmitri? We were once inseparable, we depended on each other and when Bonnie left you it was me who helped you pick up the pieces. In my life I've never seen anybody so wiped out. You were devasted and for me to bring you back it was like [cut up] I don't know, rescuing a child from a burning caravan, and now we're here and I'm telling you right now........
.....GIVE ME THE MICROFILM COCKSUCKER!!!!!!

Long Pause

B - Erwin, that's...

E- Sounded like my dialogue for sure. But. I mean. Honestly. Awful. Total dreck. I'm embrassed to be sitting her. (beat) She didn't do a roundhouse kick for fuck's sake. Corde-li-wahtever the fuck your name is - call yourself an actress!! That's why I handpick who I work with. You have to be special to work with my dialogue. Really special.

For the second time of the evening the auditorium door bursts open. A blonde bombshell enters. Everyone should fine her attractive till she lets rip with a hollywood nasal whine.
Daisy - Erwin Baby, Erwin it's me. Honey.

E - Daisy...??