SCENE TWO ???

End of bad dialogue clip

B - Well Erwin. That was certainly interesting.
E - Interesting? You schmuck. I think you meant to say butt kickingly awesome. Didn't you?

B- I,I,I,I’ve certainly never seen anything like it.

E- Too right Bernaaard. There IS nothing like it. Rock and fucking roll

B- Quite.

E – So what would you like to ask me you old mucker you?

B – I thought we could – if we may – start with a discussion – in the widest sense - of your genre?

E- -I don't do French movies. Once had a date take me to Cyrille de Bergerac: I had to piss six times during the movie. If you pass water more than once during a motion picture it's a strike-out: I think David Lean said that.

P- I see that but in film club we understand that there's more to cinema that just the smoke and mirrors of action. There’s a thing called ‘truth’ What of themes and of dialogue? What of reaching to people from different cultures. What of the beauty of the human condition?

E- Exactly. What of them?

B- (meekly) You're not really getting this are you?

pause

Let me put it this way - don't you ever get fed up of just blowing things up.

E- Just blowing things up!!! My god bernarrd – where you not watching. I’m a master. My films deliver - sunshine and don’t forget it. Sure anyone can blow things up, but I Erwin J Breckenheimer do it in a way that touches people right here. (he touches his chest)

B- So – art is important to you.?

E- Sure. I see that between extreme violence, torture, and mayhem you do need a bit of – what would you call it – poetry. And I'm not just talking about a nice pair of tits. No, I mean fucking pretty words making the difference. That’s why I write all my own scripts.

B - I didn't realise.

E - Right. I write it all. Well I control it all – I don’t actually do much writing these days. But I’m in control. Writers are ok but I have to re-write it with my own spin to get it just right, you know? Some of the stuff I write is pretty full on.

B - I can imagine, now....

Kevin - interrupting and stepping centre stage Ahem.

B- getting up Excuse me Erwin, I'll find out what my assistant wants-

E- You go right ahead, I'll finish my.... raises his beer bottle

At the side

K - Ok Bernard, Cordelia is ready, and she's word perfect. Now seems like the right time.

B - I read your note.

K- It's all right, Cordelia is going do one of Erwin's scenes, this way we get into his creative process, now get back to it, for Christ's sakes.

B- I.You. Kevin S.. this is a truly dreadful idea, but alright. We'll talk about this later-

B- Erwin, we, well Kevin, has a surprise for you, we've asked a young actress – Cordelia from the drama society – to join us and give us a performance of one your scenes, then maybe you can talk us through your process as a film maker. We'd love to see your dialogue 'in action' so to speak.

E- Sure, knock yourself out.

B- Ladies and Gentlemen, I’d like to introduce you to Ms Cordelia Spenk.

Eventually a black-polo-neck-wearing actress strides up to the stage. She has nhs glasses on and hair done up tightly in a bun. She assumes a reluctant actorly pose.

B- Cordelia, are you ready for you per-

Cordelia – Shhhhh Barry-

She shakes her hair down like one of Charlies Angels, throws her glasses down and beams US TV style at Erwin

Mr Breckenheimer, its such an incredible pleasure to meet you! Kevin and I are huge fans of all your work. Erwin, can I call you that, I’m going perform a piece for you that you’ll recognise. Enjoy

She assumes character before continuing

How could you hang me out to dry Dmitri? We used to be inseparable, we depended on each other and when Bonnie left you; it was me who helped you pick up the pieces. In my life I've never seen anybody so wiped out. And after the Kuleshev death squad found where you had hidden your sweetheart,the mother of your children, you were devastated so for me to bring you back from the brink was like [cut up] I don't know, rescuing a child from a burning caravan, and now we're here and I can feel a moment of serenity but but I’m telling you right now........
.....GIVE ME THE MICROFILM COCKSUCKER!!!!!!

Long Pause

B - Erwin, that's...

E- Total dreck. I'm embrassed for you. (beat) Honey you didn't do a roundhouse kick for fuck's sake. Corde-lay, whateveryournameis, sweekcakes- if you wanna call yourself one of my actresses you gotta shape up. In this scene you need to seg-way from tenderness to putting your stilettos in his fuckin’ brain in five seconds flat. That's the magic of Leningrad Takedown.

Cordelia- Erwin, I’m so sorry. I was nervous. Give me another chance. We have other things prepared.

Long beat

Bernard - Thank you Cordelia. Right. Erwin I think we’ll push on now. Cordelia looks awkward Cordelia. I think Kevin might need some help with his – erm – things.

Cordelia - it’s just..

Bernard – Like a teacher Cordelia

Cordelia – but

Bernard. Help. Kevin. Please.

Cordelia stifling back a tear ok.

Cordelia runs to the back of the stage

Bernaard – So Erwin

Erwin – Bernard – Stage whisper are you banging her? I bet you are you old dog you.

Bernaard – No Who do you –

Erwin interrupting But she’s an actress Bernard…get with the programme. Hang on. out to the auditorium Daisy? Excuse me Bernard. Daisy. Daisy you out there honey?

Daisy – whiny voice from the audience …Sure I'm here Erwin baby..

Erwin - Daisy – you’re an actress. Should Bernard bang cordy pants?

Bernard – oh my god..

Daisy – you’re a cute guy Bernard. shifting to cordelia Cor-deee-lieee-aa my poppet - sugar - you could do worse darlin' no offence but you know you could liven the look up a little - black - yawwwn..

Erwin – come up here Daisy - is that alright Bernard. Rest easy – we’re only having a laugh (beat) But you should think about it.

Flustered Bernard chooses to ignore Erwin who Daisy perches next to

Bernard - So erm Daisy tell us about yourself.

Erwin – Bernaard. This is Daisy Spears. She’s the the greatest Bernarrd…Kevin have we got a clip of Daisy?

Kevin – I think so, but I -

Erwin – Stick it on Kev

Kevin – It’s just I’m not sure -

Erwin – I’m sure people would love it..

Kevin – I don’t really

Erwin – play it

Kevin – Bernard? I really think we need to

Erwin – Play the goddamn clip Kevin

Bernard – Play it. What could possibly go wrong?

we see a minute of erotic drama

Bernard - interpupting Erm. Sorry to interrupt. I’m not sure we need to see that. Besides Daisy I couldn't help notice that that wasn't you.
Daisy - Sure. Never heard of a body double.
Bernard - but -
Daisy - Erwin said It was better that way. With her being my body double. For the sex. And the stunt scenes. And the scenes when I was talking an shit.
Bernard - Daisy? Are you actually in the film?
Erwin Interjecting The thing you have to remember was I am twice Daisy's age and she was having sex with me during the production.
Bernard - You told her she was in the movie.
Erwin -And she is.
Daisy - In spirit. Ain't that right Erwin baby.
Bernard - you people are incredible
Daisy and Erwin - thanks bernaard.
Erwin - you're kinda cool too. I'm having a good time. You're all great. And what with daisy here it's turning itno quite a night. So what did you want to ask about next?
Bernard - well I suppose it would be a miss of me not to mention the women who are actually in your movies.
Erwin - gorgeous aren't they. I've used more silicone than silicone valley.
Bernard - that's what I'm talking about - you do tend to objectify the actresses in your movies.
Erwin - and?
Bernard - I want to talk to you about Misogeny
Erwin - I never worked with her.
Bernard - No Erwin, I talking about misogeny; sexism?
Erwin - Sexism?
Bernard - your roles for women aren't -
Erwin - Let me tell you abo -
Bernard - [forceful]no...no...NO....Erwin .....let me finish my question: the characterisation in your movies isn't exactly empowering for women?
Erwin - They're powerful.They are fully weaponised; guns, grenades, ammo belts. What do you mean?

Bernard - Let me ask you this. Do you like your female characters?

Erwin - (stroking daisy's knee who is listening patiently) I love them. My camera makes love to them (he catches cordelia's eye who is flustered - Erwin is quite good looking in a rough diamond way - but no she can't flirt!! - not with his type!!)

Bernard - Not exactly the point I was making. How else can i put this?

Erwin - No no. I get it. I've had this before. Somehow because I make films for guys I'm anti-women, old fashioned dated, a sexist pig. Am I right? That's what you're all thinking? Look at your pretty little faces. But you're wrong see. Even though I'm in the biz, hey blowjobs in the trailer fahgeddaboutit-we've all been there, its almost a union thing, but even so you've misjudged me. I admire women. I 'get' you. Don't think just because I hang out with air headed blondes I'm somehow can't accept intelligent powerful women. Hell I even married a couple of them. Ok those pair of meshiganas can rot in hell with the two houses they screwed out of me - Sorry- but you know I'm not insensitive. Ladies. I can be sweet. I've read Janine Austen, I take my spaniels for walks on the beach. If am naked will you not give me shelter. I want to be loved and not just in the action genre. That's all I want.

Bernard - I'm sure

Erwin - So I get angry when I'm accused of sexism. Angry you hear! But you know what I do with my anger. The rage? With the pain? Do you? Do you think I shout and scream? Do you think I spout my mouth off? No way Shirley. I channel my anger. Channel it. I focus. I pull the negative energy kicking and screaming into my art. I take it all and I make it live! Live as cinematic magic. That's how Erwin sorts out his beefs - oh yes - So what did I do in the 70's? When sexism was all the rage? Everything was Anti-fucking-woman? Yaa-di-daa. I didn't go on a march. I didn't burn any bras. Go on any marches. Christ no. Not me baby.: I sat down and pondered, considered. Listened. Yeah I listened and I put everything into a script. I moulded a narrative that expressed everything I felt about women, and that showed - right up there on the screen - what women can do in our society, in our times. A movie that - hey - maybe even today we might learn something from. Kevin?